The
Heart’s Path
Gary Carlson, PhD
"A path is only a path, and
there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what
your heart tells you . . . Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it
as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone, one question . .
. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it
is of no use."
— Carlos
Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan
I first read this quote by Carlos Casteneda about a path
with a heart when I was in my mid-30’s.
I knew I liked what it said, but I couldn’t at the time relate it to my life. Now, as I reach 70 years of life experience,
I feel I am truly on my heart’s path. My
journey to find my heart’s path began in earnest about 14 years ago, when I
retired from a life-long career as a research scientist. Since that time, I have explored a number of
paths, but over the years have now settled on one which brings me peace, joy
and fulfillment—truly my heart’s path.
I’d like to tell you my story, but first a little background.
Doing and Being
Most of us spend the early years of
our lives involved in “doing”—doing the work we need to do as students,
parents, homemakers and workers. Driven largely
by our egos and our need to succeed, this is the time when we work hard to
create our identities in the world, growing from youth through adolescence to
adulthood, probably developing a loving relationship with someone, perhaps raising
a wonderful family and hopefully establishing a successful career, either in
the work force or at home. In order to
be “successful,” we put great intellectual, emotional and physical energy into creating
the lives we think we want.
However, we pay a price if our success in life is based primarily
on satisfying others’ expectations. If we
see our identity as “husband” (or wife), “parent,” “employee,” or “boss,” then
who are we, really? Are we defined by
the roles we play, as opposed to the persons we truly are? Do we buy success by giving up our identity,
and largely playing roles established by others? In our early years, this may lead to success,
but does it bring fulfillment? The good
news is, in our later years we have another chance to find out who we really
are, and to become the person we truly want to be.
When we get to the second half of our lives, we have the
unique opportunity and great gift to spend time in “being.” At this stage in our lives, our children may
be grown and gone and we may be considering retirement from the work force or
have fewer responsibilities around the home.
This is a time when we often feel called to begin our inner work, to
begin to ask and answer important life questions, such as: Who am I?
Why am I here? What is the
meaning of my life? What am I called to
do next? How can I use my elder wisdom
in the world? Our answers to these
questions can help us to define the path we will take as we continue to mature
and grow into elderhood. But how do we
do the inner work that will help us to answer these questions?
Paths to Inner wisdom
Inner work by definition involves going inside to find
answers to our questions. There are many
possible paths to finding our inner wisdom.
We may do this by meditating, by spending time thinking about
no-thing. Emptying our minds of everyday
thoughts may help us to bring up wisdom from our unconscious. The quiet of meditation itself may bring
great peace. Meditation retreats may
bring additional valuable perspective, through sharing the meditative experience
with other seekers.
Another path to inner wisdom involves spiritual questing. As we enter our elder years many of us experience
a particular yearning for a spiritual connection with a higher power or source
of wisdom (God; Inner Elder), with nature (living things;the earth; the
cosmos), or with other persons (humanity; community; family). We can explore our spirituality through
formalized religion, through books or discussions with “gurus” or friends, by spending
time in nature or with other seekers, and through meditation or prayer.
Inner wisdom and personal identity can also be explored
through values clarification work, through time spent with counselors, coaches
or therapists, through support groups, through deep conversations with friends
and through participation in various retreats.
Success in reaching new insights and inner wisdom is probably less
dependent on the method we employ to get there than on the intention to do the
work.
When will we know that we have attained inner wisdom? Of course, finding inner wisdom can be and probably
will be a goal we pursue for the rest of our lives, but here are some
guidelines. We have gained wisdom when
we find we are less driven for personal gain and more interested in the welfare
of others; when we find we have a compassionate heart, and our actions confirm
this; and when we find ourselves filled with immense gratitude for this life we
are leading, for our friends and family, and for the many opportunities that
life offers us. At the same time, we acknowledge
that there are challenges we must face as we grow older, and we do so with
grace.
The Dance of Doing and Being
We don’t simply go from “doing” in our early years to
“being” in our later years. Actually,
there is a second kind of “doing” in the second half of life, a “doing”
informed by our developing inner wisdom.
This new kind of “doing” is outwardly-directed rather than
ego-driven. It is doing for others
rather than for ourselves. It is being of
service to others, giving back after receiving much in life, working for causes
that you believe are important, or being a mentor or role model for
others.
Both “being” and “doing” are important in the second half of
life, and you will likely find yourself in a dance back and forth between being
and doing. Development of inner wisdom
may lead you to engage in activities that reinforce or support the new ideas,
values or answers that come from inner work.
Conversely, participating in outwardly directed work may trigger the
development of new insights that add to inner wisdom. It becomes a beautiful dance, with being
stimulating doing, and doing encouraging being.
The being and doing are synergistic, with the result being a vital,
wholesome, fulfilling and productive lifestyle that can serve us throughout our
elder years.
My Personal Journey
In 1997 at age 56, I retired from a scientific career. In 30 years at Sandia National Laboratories,
I had accomplished most of what I intended as a research scientist and
technical manager. The last of our children was recently grown and out of the
house, and my wife Charlotte and I were ready for the next developments in our lives
and our relationship as empty-nesters.
I can’t emphasize strongly enough the vital role
relationships can play in one’s life path.
In my own life, my most important relationship has been with
Charlotte. During the early years of our
marriage, our love had grown solid and we had become best friends as well as
lovers. As I contemplated retiring and entering a new phase of life she was a
cheerleader for me. Since my retirement,
we have continued to grow and to support each other in our various
interests. Charlotte’s support has been critical
to my growth into elderhood.
Contemplating retirement, I knew I wanted to take on some
new challenges, although I didn’t see clearly what those might be. Two activities that interested me strongly at
that time were pottery and conscious aging.
I had been a pretty good hobby potter for the previous 20 years, and
wanted to see whether I could develop a successful studio pottery
business. I had also just finished
reading From Age-ing to Sage-ing, Zalman
Schachter-Shalomi’s groundbreaking book on changing the paradigm of aging, and
was interested in exploring further what role conscious aging might play in my
coming elder years. Additionally, I had
begun thinking about ways I might use some of my new free time in volunteer
activities.
When I retired, I went from being a full-time scientist working
for a large corporation one day to a full-time self-employed studio potter the
next. That was a bit of a shock, going
from a largely left-brain (intellectual) job to a mostly right-brain (creative)
activity essentially overnight. It was
challenging and exhilarating to learn new skills and start a new business, and
I found I loved the challenge and the change of identity that being a potter
represented. Charlotte claims that I
became more centered personally as I worked at centering clay on the
wheel. During the next several years, I
honed my skills as a potter and developed a very successful business which I
still pursue, although not with the same intensity.
By 1999, I was also becoming more involved in my inner
work. Since then I have read voraciously
in the areas of conscious aging, cultural anthropology and human potential
development. I began to spend more time
in nature, especially watching birds, and began to feel a stronger and stronger
connection with all of the animals and plants that I share this earth with. I developed a sitting meditation practice and
more recently have begun a Tai Chi practice, a form of moving meditation. I have taken part in many workshops on such
diverse topics as Spiritual Eldering, Death and Dying, Men’s Wellness and Deep
Ecology, which have all engaged my growing interest in my life and why I am
here.
At the same time, the inner work was stirring in me a desire
to be engaged in new outward-directed work.
My wife Charlotte and I both completed a training program in Spiritual
Eldering, which led me to develop a third career as a Sage-ing Leader educator. My enthusiasm for this work led me to work
with others to create a new national organization for Sage-ing Leaders, the
Sage-ing Guild. From its inception, I have
been one of the leaders of the Sage-ing Guild, and see further development of
this organization as my principal work in the future. My goal
is for the Sage-ing Guild and related organizations to become widely-recognized
sources of knowledge about conscious aging that all persons can access for
their own personal growth.
Interspersed with the studio pottery work and the sage-ing
work, I have also engaged in volunteer work, first working the front desk at
the local Nature Center and then teaching computer skills at my local
library. For the past eight years, I
have been a hospice volunteer, and the experiences I have had caring for
hospice patients have been invaluable in enriching my own understanding of death
and dying. Hospice was a form of outer work
that naturally led me back into my own inner thoughts about life’s meaning.
I recently had an opportunity to travel to Tanzania, Africa
with Richard Leider and a group of elder men to “inventure,” a form of inner
adventure that involved sharing wisdom with each other and with indigenous
elders, spending time in contemplation and taking long walks to experience our
surroundings in the African savanna.
This trip awakened in me a heightened sense of the beauties of nature,
and of our responsibility to be stewards of our earth, not its exploiters. It has caused me to clarify many of my values
and has been an important catalyst for new spiritual growth.
I am so grateful for having the experience of living in this
time and place, with the many challenges and opportunities I have had, and for being
able to give back in some small way and leave a legacy for my children, grandchildren
and the next seven generations. These
years of growing into elderhood, with its inner and outer work, have been the
best time of my life without a doubt, and I expect the joys of living and
growing to continue as I enter my eighth decade.
The Heart’s Path
My path has of course been uniquely mine, but others could
probably tell similar stories. It was a
path I began fourteen years ago without a clear vision of where I was going,
but with confidence that I was heading in a positive direction. It has been a path of tremendous growth, intellectually,
emotionally and spiritually. It has been
a path that has allowed me to explore and clarify my values, especially those related
to developing a community of elders that may yet help to save the world. I believe what the Hopi Elders say, “….We are
the ones we have been waiting for.”
My life has followed a path that has benefited others and me
at the same time. It has been a path
that has never left me bored or confused or frightened about my future. It is a path that continues to serve me as I follow
it. It may not be leading me to a specific
destination, and that is all right. It is
the journey that is important to me, not the destination. It is a path I will continue to follow, even
though I still do not know with any certainty where it will lead. Yet I have confidence that it will lead me
where I need to go. My path has a heart. It is my heart’s path.
I wish for each of you that you also find your heart’s path
and follow it wherever it leads. I
promise it will serve you well. Enjoy
the journey!
Exercises
Some exercises you may be interested in that can enrich your
inner work are:
Bibliography
Websites
Among the many websites that explore conscious aging thought
are: http://www.sage-ingguild.org/ and http://www.secondjourney.org/.